portrait of "i don't know"

when i am asked if i know the name of the flower,
i say i don’t know. like schrödinger’s cat, i don’t
can mean the cat is living and dead in equal parts,
until observed. like i don’t know if it will rain today. i
don’t know
incomes apprehension when she asks me if i
love her. i don’t know is doubt when she is quiet. there
are days when we don’t even hug. my mother taught me how
to paint i don’t know if i asked her why this, why that, how
this, which, where. i don’t know is excuse when i am tired of
flying. i don’t know if cat is crying at my feet, or if i am
crying with cat at my feet. see legs overlapped within our
litter. i don’t know is a mathematical equation from which i
can subtract absolutely nothing, with a certainty of certain
division that takes place at the heart of knowing it all.
i don’t know is dark blue on flushed day. i’m wearing
pink pyjamas where everyone is black and white tuxedo.
i don’t know is smiles what i am doing after
my cat died crying at my feet. or was i crying at its?

Tanya "Jade Vine" Singh is an Indian trans, non-binary, panromantic asexual writer, poet and editor. Their work has appeared in Gone Lawn, Minola Review, Polyphony H.S, and elsewhere, and has been recognized by the Times of India and Bow Seat Ocean Awareness Student Contest, among other places. They are the founder & editor-in-chief of The Cerurove, a literary & arts magazine. @TanyaJVSingh

See another of Tanya's poems in 5.3

updated: 9.16.19